Very Very Funny.. Must Read


After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multimillion dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.

On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.


When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.


Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.


Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house. The Maid quit.

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.


The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.


Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house ha been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.


A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS
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  • Taxi drivers


    A woman and her 7 years old son were inside a Taxi. It was raining and all the twilight girls were standing by the roadside.

    The Boy asked; "Mummy, what are all those women doing?."

    His Mother replied; "They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work."

    The Taxi driver turned around and said; "Why don't you tell him the truth?. Little boy, they are prostitutes, they sleep with men for money."

    The Boy's eyes got wide and asked; "Mummy is that true?"

    His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied; "Yes.!!"

    After a few minutes, the boy asked; "Mummy, what happens to the babies those women have?."

    She replied; "Most of them become Taxi drivers.
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  • First Day in School..




    Smith First day in a new Secondary School.



    Teacher: There will be an elementary science test next week.



    Contrary to his nature, Smith reads his book from cover to cover like no man's business.



    On test day, teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs is visible.



    Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc.



    After about 20mins of frustration and not writing down anything, Smith storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher.



    'Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home!'



    Teacher: What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name?



    Smith raises his trouser and points to his leg: 'Oya you too, look my leg, tell me my name, my surname, where I they live, which tribe I come from.
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  • Don't overreact in every situation!





    Real Funny Story.. Very Very Funny.. Must Read and Share to Everyone..
     
    In a factory: A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly......

    CEO of that factory came and asked his salary...


    Man replied "5000 sir"


    CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him...


    "I pay people here to work and not to waste time, This is your 3 months salary.


    Now get out of here. Never come back"


    That guy left............


    Then CEO asked workers "Who was that guy?"


    Workers replied "Courier Boy Sir".. 


    Moral: Don't overreact in every situation!
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  • Heart Touching.. Must Read..



    A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the tree-top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow...He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by... the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day. One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad.

    "Come and play with me," the tree asked the boy. "I am no longer a kid, I don't play around trees anymore." The boy replied, "I want toys. I need money to buy them." "Sorry, but I don't have money... but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money." The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad. One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited.

    "Come and play with me" the tree said. "I don't have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?" "Sorry, but I don't have a house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house." So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

    One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted. "Come and play with me!" the tree said. "I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?" "Use my truck to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy." So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

    Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. "Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you any more. "No more apples for you... "the tree said. "I don't have teeth to bite" the boy replied. "No more truck for you to climb on" "I am too old for that now" the boy said. "I really can't give you anything ... the only thing left is my dying roots" the tree said with tears. "I don't need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years." The boy replied. "Good! Old tree roots is the best place to lean on and rest. Come, Come sit down with me and rest." The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.......

    This is a story of everyone. The tree is our parent. When we were young, we loved to play with Mom and Dad...When we grown up, we left them... only came to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could to make you happy. You may think the boy is cruel to the tree but that's how all of us are treating our parent.
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  • Who is the real thief?



    John and Smith entered a chocolate store.



    As they were busy looking, Smith steals 3 chocolate bars.



    After leaving the store,


    Smith says to John: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that".



    John replies: "You want to see something better, lets go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing."



    So they went to the counter and John says to the Shop keeper:



    "Do you want to see magic?" Shop keeper replies:"Yes."



    John says: "Give me one chocolate bar."



    The shopkeeper gave him one, and he eats it.



    He asks for the second, and he eats that as well. He asks for the third, and finishes that one too.



    The shop keeper asks: "But where's the magic?"



    John replies: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them.



    #The friend fainted



    Please, Who is the real thief?  John/Smith
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  • Funny Conversation.. ha ha ha..



    Teacher: - what's wrong?

    Wayne :- our house is very small. Me, my mum, my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Wayne are you sleeping?' Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye"

    Teacher:- tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer.

    The following morning Wayne comes back with a severe black eye again.

    Teacher:- My goodness why the black eye again?

    Wayne:- Dad asked me again, Wayne are u sleeping? & I shut up & kept dead still. Then my dad & my mom started moving, you know, at the same time Mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically & squealing like a hyena on the bed.

    Then my dad asked my mum, Are you coming?

    Mum said, Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?

    Dad answered:- Yes. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said “wait for me, I'm also coming!”
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