Unexpected Reply... Must Read..

Once upon a time........

A Child went to a shop with his mother.

The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said 'Dear Child.. You can take the sweets...

But the child didn't take.

The shop keeper was surprised.. such a child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets...

Now the mother also heard that and said.. take the sweets dear.. Yet he didn't take...

The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.

While returning home the Mother asked the child...

Why didn't you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?...

Can you guess the response:

Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets i got!
When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more beyond our expectations. ..more than what we can hold..!! Stay Blessed..

Share If You Agre..

Funny Misunderstanding.. Must Read...

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him.

In the court the man's deference was:-

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:- "William's stick did the trick"..

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-

"Dun lop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing

Funny Student..

Teacher : Ok class; let us show the principal and our guests how much we have learnt so far dis year! Let’s do comparisons .... So if I say small, you say small, smaller, smallest.

[Students nod]

Teacher : Big

Class : “Big, Bigger, Biggest.” ....

Teacher : “clean.”

Class : “clean, cleaner, cleanest.

Teacher : “tall.”

Class : “tall, taller, tallest.

Teacher [smiles] :”very good!!!

Class : “very good, very goodder, very goodest.

Teacher : “oh gosh.”

Class : oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest!!!

Teacher : “stop it now”

Class : “stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowest!!!

Teacher : “oh please.”

Class :”oh please, oh pleaser, oh please-st..

Teacher : “Look at me..!!!

Class : “look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est.

Teacher : “what a disgrace!

Class : “what a disgrace, what a disgracer, what a disgrace-st.

Teacher [furious] : I don die…

Class : I don die, I don dier, I don diest!!!

Teacher faint!

Cop vs Thief.. Very Funny Conversation

Cop : Where do you live ?

Thief : With my parents
Cop : Where does your parents live ?

Thief : With me
Cop : Where do you all live ?…

Thief : Together
Cop : Where is your house ?

Thief : Next to my neighbors house
Cop : Where is your neighbor house ?

Thief : If I tell you, you won’t believe me
Cop : Tell me

Thief : Next to my house.

Self Appraisal

A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”

Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”

Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”

Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store-owner: “Son…. I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”

Boy: “No thanks.”

Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”

Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”

*”This is called Self Appraisal”

Teacher & Student Funny Conversation

Teacher Fell Asleep In Class And A Little Naughty Boy Walked Up To Him,

Boy : “Teacher Are You Sleeping In Class?”

Teacher : “No I Am Not Sleeping In Class.”

Boy : “What Were You Doing Sir ?”

Teacher : ” I Was Talking To God.”

The Next Day The Naughty Boy Fell Asleep In Class And The Same Teacher Walks Up To Him
 
Teacher : “Young Man, You Are Sleeping In My Class.”

Boy : “No Not Me Sir, I Am Not Sleeping.”

Angry Teacher: “What Were You Doing.??”

Boy : “I Was Talking To God.”

Angry Teacher: “What Did He Say??”

Boy : “God Said He Never Spoke To You Yesterday”

Funny Motivational story: The crazy Dog

Once a wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing the butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the Dachshund says........ ......... .....

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

Moral: It doesn't matter what cards you hold but how you play them

4 Friends..

4 friends meet 30 years after school. 
 
One goes to the toilet, while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.

Friend 1 says his son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

Friend  2 said his son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich he gave his best friend a jet.

Friend  3 said his son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.

Friend  4 came back from toilet and asks what the buzz is about. They told him they were talking about how successful their sons became and ask him about his son.

He said his son is not studying well and is a stripper at a bar. Other 3 said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful.

"Oh no" said the father, he is doing good. Last week was his birthday and he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends.

Wow... This One Cuts Deep..

One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview. The director discovered from his CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent. He asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?” the youth answered “no”.

” Was it your father who paid for your school fees?” "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.

” Where did your mother work?” “My mother worked as clothes cleaner.”

The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect. ” Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?”

“Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me. The director said, “I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother’s hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.

The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother’s hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future.

After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth’s eyes, when he asked: “Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?”

The youth answered,” I cleaned my mother’s hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes’

“I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one’s family.

The director said, “This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life.”

“You are hired.”

This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company’s performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an “entitlement mentality” and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent’s efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead?

You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your child learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

Try to forward this story to as many as possible…this may change somebody’s fate.

Heart Touching Story

An old man lived alone in an American town. His only son was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son
 
Dear Son,
 
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
 
Love,
Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

‘For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden !! That’s where I buried the GUNS !!’

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what had happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: ‘Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the
best I could do for you, from here.’

MORAL: 

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO
SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT
MATTERS, NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS.....

FATHER

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”

Being Human

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.

"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.

"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."

"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.

My Wife's Memory Loss - Funny Story

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. 

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room... it wasn't there.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. 

My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. 

My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. 

His theory is that the car will be stolen.

Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. 

His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. 

I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!! 

"Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.

"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.

" There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. 

"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I have not stolen your car."

♥ Must Read.. Its Awesome ♥

♥ Must Read.. Its Awesome ♥

This girl is a keeper!!!!

It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.........

BEST PROPOSE BY BACK BENCHERS

BEST PROPOSE BY BACK BENCHERS

I AM BAD in ENGLISH
BUT
i can tell you that I LOVE YOU....

I am BAD in GEOGRAPHY
BUT
i can tell you that you LIVE in my HEART...

I am BAD in HISTORY
BUT
I can REMEMBER when i FIRST saw you.

I am BAD in CHEMISTRY
BUT
I can tell WHATS the REACTION when you SMILE..

I am BAD in PHYSICS
BUT
I can tell the INTENSITY of SPARK of my EYES when they SEE you..

I am BAD in every SUBJECT
BUT
I can TELL ALL..

I will PASS all SUBJECTS if the TOPIC is YOU...

A TOUCHING LOVE STORY

 A TOUCHING LOVE STORY 

Girl : What would you choose? Your life or me?

Boy : Uhmm, both...

Girl : Choose only one.

Boy : Fine. My life.

Girl : *starts to cry* Why?

Boy : Because you are my life..

boy daily to meet her girlfriend in a park..

The girl used to always arrive on time..

But the boy was always late and the girl never got angry on boy..

One day the girl didn't come that's why the boy went to her home...

The boy came to know there that the girl will live for only 4-5 days....
The boy went back...

crying and committed suicide and left a letter for the girl...


The letter was :
"U ALWAYS USED TO REACH ON TIME AND I WAS ALWAYS LATE BUT TODAY I M
GOING EARLY AND WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU"?

Difficult To Understand Girls

Girl: Do you smoke?

Young Boy: Yes I do.

Girl: How many packs a day?

Young Boy: 3 packs.

Girl: How much per pack?

Young Boy: $10.00 per pack.

Girl: And how long have you been smoking?

Young Boy: 15 years

Girl: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?

Young Boy: Correct.

Girl: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?

Young Boy: Correct.

Girl: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Red Bull?

Young Boy: Oh. Do you smoke?

Girl: No.

Young Boy: Then where's your “Red Bull”?

Few days back,

when she called me I was having food

She got angry that i didn't ask her to join me..

Today when she called i was..
.
.
.
Taking bath & i asked her to join, she was angry again..!!

Monkey In Bar - Funny Joke

A man takes a monkey into a bar the man orders beer the bartender asks if he can give the monkey some grapes the man says sure

The monkey eats the grapes across the room

There are some guys playing pool the monkey jumps off the table and on to the pool table and swallows the cue ball the

Man rolls his eyes gets the monkey and walks out of the bar

About a week later the man comes back into the bar with the monkey and again orders a beer the bartender again asks if he can give the monkey some grapes

The man looks at the monkey and says yeah sure he puts the bowl of grapes in front of the monkey

The monkey looks at the grape then sticks it in his butt then eats it he does this a few times and the bartender says why is he doing that

The man says since the cue ball incident he measures everything before he eats it.

John vs Teacher - Very Very Funny Joke

It is near the Christmas break of the school year.The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early
today.

Little John says to himself Good I want to get outta here. I m smart and will answer the question.

Teacher: Who said Four Score and Seven Years Ago?

Before John can open his mouth Susie says Abraham Lincoln.

Teacher: That's right Susie you can go home.

John is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: Who said I Have a Dream?

Before John can open his mouth Mary says Martin Luther King.

Teacher: That's right Mary you can go.

John is even madder than before.

Teacher: Who said Ask not what your country can do for you?

Before John can open his mouth Nancy says John F.Kennedy.

Teacher:That's right Nancy you may also leave.

John is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back John says I wish these bitches would keep their
mouths shut.

The teacher turns around:NOW WHO SAID THAT?

John: TIGER WOODS.CAN I GO NOW?

So Expensive Parrots - Very Very Funny Story

Once a man went to buy a parrot.....

Man: These parrots seem nice, but show me the best and healthy ones....

Shopkeeper: Sure sir, I have three best parrots.....

Soon the shopkeeper brought those 3 parrots.....

Man: How much each of them costs...??

Shopkeeper: The 1st parrot costs 1000$, 2nd parrot costs 2000$ and the 3rd parrot costs 5000$.

Man: That's interesting, but why so expensive....??

Shopkeeper: The 1st parrot can speak many languages and even knows about Windows XP.....

Man: Wow...What about the second parrot...??

Shopkeeper: Well he also knows many languages, plus he knows some things about Windows XP and Linux Operating System....

Man: That's amazing....What ­ about the 3rd one...Why he costs $5000....?? Which languages he knows...??

Shopkeeper: Well, frankly speaking, he just fires bad words and doesn't know anything, but the other two parrots call him"BOSS......!!"

Husband & Wife Funny Conversation - Must Read

One Day An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: ”Where the Hell are you …?”

Husband: Darling do you remember the jewellery shop where you saw a very beautiful gold necklace and were desperate to buy it, but I didn’t have the money but promised to get it later when I get my salary…

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Sure I remember it my dear.

Husband: I am in the cafe next to that jewellery shop!!

Few Hours Later,

Husband sends a text message to his wife: “Hi, what are you doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?”

Wife: “You fool! I am dying my hair..”

Husband: “Bloody English Language

Before Sleeping,

Wife : How much do you love me ?

Husband : I love U so much, I can't measure.

Wife : No just tell me....

Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, i am nothing without you...

Wife : Wow ! that's so romantic...

Husband (saying to himself): Thank God she doesn't know, this is a Chinese phone, with FOUR sim cards...

Beautiful Story... MUST READ..

Beautiful story... MUST READ..

A very poor man lived with his wife...

One day, his wife, who had very long hair asked him to buy her a comb for her hair to grow well and to be well-groomed... The man felt very sorry and said, "NO"

He explained that he did not even have enough money to fix the strap of his watch he had just
broken... She did not insist on her request..

The man went to work and passed by a watch shop, sold his damaged watch at a low price and went to buy a comb for his wife...

He came home in the evening with the comb in his hand ready to give to his wife...

He was surprised when he saw his wife with a very short hair cut..

She had sold her hair and was holding a new watch band..

Tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes, not for the futility of their actions.., but, for the reciprocity of their love...

MORAL: To love is nothing, to be loved is something but to love and to be loved by the one you love,
that is EVERYTHING...

Never take love for granted... ?

Clever Boy

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".

To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him..!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she plays for?"

Presence of mind helps, Never Panic....!!!

POLISH REMOVER

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
 
Although his English was not perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him to arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.......................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say: POLISH REMOVER

Employee vs Boss - Awesome Conversation..

An employee goes to his boss to discuss his appraisal. Boss starts asking questions:

Boss - There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?

Employee - That's easy. There are 49 left.

Boss - How would you put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee - Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Then close the fridge.

Boss - How would you put a deer into the fridge?

Employee - Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Then close the fridge.

Boss - It's the lion's birthday. All animals are at the party except one. Who is missing & why?

Employee - Deer is missing because it is in the fridge.

Boss - An old woman wants to cross a swamp filled with crocodiles. How will she do it?

Employee - She just has to cross from 1 side to the other because all the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday party.

Boss - Last question. The old lady still died why crossing the swamp. How?

Employee - Err... I guess she drowned?

Boss - No! She was hit by the brick that fell from the airplane.

You may leave.

Frog, Bear and Rabbit..

One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner.

In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence.

After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first.

After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me."

Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says.

The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself.

The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me."

The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas."

The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!"

He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!" He smiles smugly.

The rabbit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gay."

Customer Vs Waiter... Very Funny Conversation..

Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?

Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Women will Never Change!!!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.

Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says;

“So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."

Adam ate the apple again !

Men will NEVER learn ! Women will Never change!!!

The Bus Conductor <<-- Must Read Thriller Story!!! -->>

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still couldn't? Then see below.........

Think hard

Common.............

Tired....?

Wanna know the answer????

Okay........ here is the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!

Note:-

Don't swear at me!! I am also looking for the guy who sent me this... and for the Banana Peel, someone must have removed it by now, don't bother!

I Couldn't Recognize You

Women Will be Women.
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One Day A 54 year old lady had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital.

While on the operation, she had a near death experience.

On that Time, Seeing God she asked, "Is my Life Completed?"

God replied, "No, you have another 34 years to live."

Upon Heart Recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a Face-Lift, Liposuction, & Tummy Tuck. She even changed her hair colors and style also.. Now she looks like 40 years Women..

Finally she was released from the hospital.

One day, While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

In Heaven, Arriving in front of God, she asked, "You said I had another 34 years to live. Why didn't you save me from the truck?"

(You'll love this)
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God replied: "I Couldn't Recognize You!"

I can't wait to see you! - Very Funny

One Day A Rich man went London for Tour.. He Take a Rental Room in a 5 Star Hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realizing, he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message she fainted.

The son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read : "To my loving wife, i know you are surprised to hear from me, they have computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones.

I have just checked in.

How are You and the kids, The place is really nice, but am lonely here.

I have made necessary arrangement for Your arrival tomorrow. Expecting you darling. I can't wait to see you!