Prescription is Must for buy a Cyanide..

A nice, calm and respectable Girl went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The Girl replied, "I need it to poison my Lover."

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your Lover. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!

They will throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The Girl reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her Lover in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Why Husbands Avoid Questions!

WIFE: What would you do if i died? Would you get married again?

Husband: No...

Wife- Why not? Don't you like being married?

Husband: Of course i do.

Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Husband: Ok, ok, i'd get married again...

Wife: Would you live in our house with your new Wife...?

Husband: Yes, it's a great house.

Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?

Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear .

Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?

Husband: No.. I am sure she would want her own..

Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?

Husband: No, her size is '5'

Wife: --silence-

Husband: 'shiiit'...!!!

ELDERLY MAN vs YOUNG MAN

An elderly man was on a bus in Warri, helding to Lagos, with a beautiful girl sitting close to him.

A young man wanted to light a cigarette in the bus.

ELDERLY MAN : What is wrong with you young man, why would you light a cigarette in this bus ? Do you want to kill this beautiful girl here.

YOUNG MAN : Sorry sir. He put off the light.

After a long time in the traffic without movement, the beautiful girl stretched with her hands in the air and a serious odour came out from her armpit.

All of a sudden, the elderly man said to the young man.

ELDERLY MAN : Light the cigarette!.

YOUNG MAN : Sir ?.

ELDERLY MAN : Are u deaf ? I say light the cigaretee!!!

YOUNG MAN : Ok sir. [He lit the cigarette]

ELDERLY MAN : Blow it to my nose, blow it now!!!.

YOUNG MAN : Ok sir.

ELDERLY MAN : It is better to die this way than to die that way.

Funny Grandpa

IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I’m not sure the IRS finds …that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you’d be happy about it.’

Explaination of A to Z.. Awesome. Must Read..

BOY : A, B, C
GIRL : What ?

BOY : Always Be Careful
GIRL: then ?

BOY : D, E, F, G
Girl : ??

BOY : Don't Ever ForGet That
GIRL : Hmmm....

BOY : I am H I
Girl : What H I ?
BOY : Happily In love

GIRL : So ??
BOY : J, K, L, M, - Just Keep Loving Me

GIRL : And how about N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z ?
BOY : No Other Person Quite, Reasonable , Shall Treat U Very Well Xcept me You'll Zee ? ? ? 

Awesome isn't?? ?

Toilet Paper Help to Grow Your______

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

The husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?”, she asks.

“They’ll grow larger over a period of years”, he replies.

The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”

The husband says. “Why not, it worked for your ass, didn’t it?”

Respect Senior Citizens - Funny True Story.. Must Read..

An old married couple is traveling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.

"But we didn't use them," the husband said.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.