Funny Fans..

A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Manchester United fan were all  in Arabia , sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden,  Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a  severe offence in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.” The Liverpool fan was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” 

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried  away bleeding and crying with pain.  The arsenal  fan was next up. After watching the Scouser in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the arsenal fan was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The man u fan was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You support one of the biggest club in the world and your team is the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!” “Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, he replied. 

“In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but, 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave”. The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish”? “Tie the arsenal fan to my back.”

Clever Husband

 Husband sent a text to his wife at night :

"Hi I will get home late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes.

#No reply#"

And make sure you prepare my favorite dish before i return."
 
#No reply#.

He sent another text

"And i forgot to tell you that i got an increase in my salary. At the end of this month i'm getting you a new car".

She text back ; "Oh my God, really ??".

Husband replied ; "No i just wanted to make sure you got all my first messages. nice night baby".

Mr. Bean Letter To Bill Gates

Dear Bill Gates,

I bought a Laptop (Window Vista) for me and I found some problems which i wanted to bring to your attention.

1.  There is a button "START" but there is no "STOP" button, I want to request you to check this.

2. Another Doubt, Is there any "Re-Scooter" Available in the System? I find only "Re-Cycle" but i own a scooter in my home..

One Personal question, how does it Happened..?

Your Name is 'GATES' but you are selling the products as 'WINDOWS'!!

I recommend you to recheck the Name..

Regards,
Mr. Bean

Three pastors

Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a busy Sunday. They agreed its so difficult preaching to people all the time and no one preaches to them. Sitting by the river with little response from the hooks one pastor thought of sharing his heart with others.

He said “guys its rare to get such an opportunity to be among ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our lives and help each other with our weaknesses”. They all agreed to this.

This pastor said “Gentlemen I need help! The people in my church give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by little but now I take a big chunk. I can’t stop stealing from the church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be fired”!

Another pastor said “brothers your sins are better than mine! I have slept with every woman in the church including married women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me, they will kill me!”

The last pastor’s feet were shaking as they were talking. They thought he had a big story to tell. He stood up and said “My brothers my problem is gossip! I can’t sit anymore. I have to share this!

I will be back!

London Girl.. Very Funny

A woman goes to United Kingdom to attend a 2 week Company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

The husband laughs and says: An London girl!!!

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks: So, honey, how was the trip?

Very good, thank you. And, what happened to my present?

Which present? She asked.

The one I asked for - an London girl !!

Oh, that she said:

Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl!!!

3 Drunk and Taxi Driver

3 drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off.

He told them."We have reached ".

The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "thank you".

The 3rd guy gave him a SLAP to the Driver!!

The driver was shocked and thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.

But he asked "whats that for?".

The 3rd guy replied: "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us"!!!!




Fact:

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Best Misunderstanding Ever..

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s

"Hi darling", he says, "your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.

Hope you have said hello to them.