Funny Women.. ha ha ha ha

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!" .

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" . A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

Very Funny Kid

An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," said the grocer. "It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer said he was sorry, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

Guy in Restaurant

This guy enters a restaurant, and orders a milkshake, "Not too thick, not too thin, but in the groove man, in the groove."

The cook, who hates to be told how to cook, hears this and gets pissed off, but sends him the milkshake.

The guy then orders a box of fries, "Not too crisp, not too soft, but in the groove man, in the groove."

The cook is getting really pissed off at this, but he rolls up his sleeves and gets him the box of fries.

Then the guy orders a hamburger, "Not too big, not too small, but in the groove man, in the groove."

On hearing this, the cook storms out and charges up to the guy, and says, "You can just kiss my ass, not too much to the left, not too much to the right, but in the groove man, in the groove."

Funny Wedding Anniversary

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, Romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful Fairy appeared on their table.

She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.‘

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again…

I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me..‘

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..

The husband became 92 years old!!!

Moral: Men should remember fairies are females too.

Funny Conversation..

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. 

“How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.

“I froze to death,” says the second.

“That’s awful,” says the first man. “How does it feel to freeze to death?”

“It’s very uncomfortable at first”, says the second man. 

“You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. 

But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. 
 
You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping. 

How about you, how did you die?”

“I had a heart attack,” says the first man. 

“You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. 

I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. 

I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. 

I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. 

I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.” 

The second man shakes his head. “That’s so ironic,” he says.

“What do you mean?” asks the first man. 

“If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”

Attitude Matters

Its Awesome.. Must Read..

A Man saw a Poor Young Boy looking at his expensive Car.

He was in a good mood that day and so he offered him a drive

The Boy couldn't believe his luck and joined him

Boy: Car is marvelous…its so huge..What's the Cost ?

Man: I don't know Exactly..My Friend Gifted it

Boy: So Nice of Him

Man: I know what you are thinking..You also want to have a friend like him right?

Boy: No, I want to BE THAT Friend …!!

Attitude Matters

Its Awesome.. Must Read..

Its Awesome.. Must Read..

A Husband comes home drunk, vomits and falls down on the floor. Wife gets him up and cleans everything.

Next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him. He braces for a fight, but finds a note near the table.

"Honey, your favorite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy groceries. I'll come running back to you, my love. I love you.

Surprised, he asks his son, "What happened last night?"

The Son replies, "When mom got you up to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt. You were dead drunk and you said,

"Hey Lady! Leave Me Alone. I'm Married!!"