Stupid Doctor

Girl - my boy friend is such a STUPID.

Doctor - why ?

Girl - he come yesterday my home and enter my room and started taking off my cloths

Doctor - like dis . . . . ??

Girl - yeah. . . . and he pull out ma underwear

Doctor - like dis ....??

Girl - yeah. . . . and then he such my ass,

Doctor - like dis. . . . ??

Girl - yeah and than he fuck me. . . .

Doc - like dis. . . . ??

Girl - yeah . . . . And then he told me that he is HIV Positive.

Doctor - STUPID. . . !!

Do You Know Who is Perfect Woman????????

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of
Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor? (scroll down for the answer)

The perfect woman.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and no such thing as a perfect man.

A Male's Response
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So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must
have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

Nursing home : Very funny

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. 

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. 

Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. 

This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.

“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”

Smartest Woman - Funny Joke

A pilot, Michael Jordan, Julia Gillard, the Pope, and a school girl were all in a plane together in stormy conditions.

Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us,” he announced. “Since I’m the pilot, I get one!” After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

“I’m the world’s greatest athlete,” proclaimed Michael Jordan. “This world needs great athletes, so I must live.” Michael Jordan then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.

Julia Gillard: “I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia’s people don’t want me to die.”. She took the third parachute and jumped out of the plane.

At this point, the Pope began to speak. “I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.”

School Girl : “You don’t have to stay here! Australia’s smartest woman took my school bag.”

Woman vs officier.. Funny Converstation

 

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too

Love Never Die..

Once a lady when having a conversation with her lover, asked:

Lady : Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?

Man : I can t tell the reason.. but I really like you..

Lady : You can t even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?

Man : I really don t know the reason, but I can prove that I love U.

Lady : Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!

Man : Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,

because your voice is sweet,

because you are caring,

because you are loving,

because you are thoughtful,

because of your smile,

because of your every movements.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man s answer.

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went
in comma.

The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:

 
 ************** Letter ************

Darling,

Because of your sweet voice that I love you...

Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your care and concern that I like you..

Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile,

because of your every movements that I love you..

Now can you smile? Now can you move?

No, therefore I cannot love you...

If love needs a reason, like now,

There is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason? NO!

Therefore, I still love you...

Love me for a Reason...Let the Reason Be Love

Funniest Conversation Ever.. lolzzz

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak
to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But
what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan
was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree….