Funny Student

One day a Lecturer was talking about marriage in class...

Lecturer : What kind of wife would you like Smith?

Smith : I would want a wife like the moon...

Lecturer : Wow !! what a choice... do you want her to be cool & calm like the moon?

Smith : No, no...

Lecturer: oh so you want her to be round and white? ??

Smith: No, no...

Lecturer: Oh, so you want her to be fair and beautiful like the moon? ??
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Smith: No, no...I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning

Best Break-Up Letter Ever!!

Best Break-Up Letter Ever!

A soldier stationed in Pakistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Rocky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great.

I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.

I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Bocky..............


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Bocky, Rocky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Bocky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.

Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Rocky

What do U Think I am 'Mc'Donalds'

Wife to Husband: "Come Help Me in Garden.."

Husband: "Wat do U think I am A Gardener??"

Wife: "Come Fix the Toilet Faucet..!"

Husband:What do U Think I am A Plumber??"

Wife: "Come fix the Door Handle.."

Husband: What do U Think I am A Carpenter??

[The Husband Went Out but When He came Back, He Saw that Everything was Fixed..! The Garden, Toilet Faucet & the Door Handle..!]

He Asked his Wife Who did It??

The Wife Said: "Its the Neighbor's Pintu's Father, But He gave Me to Options... Either to Make Him a Burger; Or have A Kiss With Him..!"

Husband: I'm Sure, U gave Him a Burger..! :))

Wife: "What do U Think I am 'McDonald's' !!! ??"

Don't Copy, if you can't Paste

A famous inspirational speaker said :

" Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife. "

Audience was in shock and silence.

He added : "She was my mother"

(A big round of pause & laughter)

A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.

After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen :

" Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife "

Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker.

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By the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water !!!

Moral : Don't Copy, if you can't Paste...

Manners, Shut up, and Poop

There were 3 guys driving down a road really fast.

The guys names are Manners, Shut up, and Poop.

While they were driving Poop falls out the back of the car and Manners goes after him.

Shut up is still speeding when a cop pulls him over.

The cop walks over and asks Shut up "what is your name, son?"

He replied "Shut up."

The cop asks again "son, please tell me your name."

Shut up tells him again "Shut up!" 



 
Then the cop asks "where are your Manners kid!?"

Then Shut up said, "he is back there picking up poop."

Very Very Cute & Funny Too

One Day Mother was out, and dad was in charge.

She was maybe 2 1/2 years old.

Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. 

 Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

Mom waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know),

"'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Teacher vs Student.. Funny Conversation

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication On the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe its wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."